I can’t promise when, but I have an idea in the works that I’m eventually going to publish myself. If you enjoy short, macabre children’s stories (In the vein of Tim Burton/Edward Gorey), then this will definitely be for you.
“Melted wax dripped down the sides of the desk and dried into the brown carpet in a stained mixture of hardened paraffin and coagulated blood.”
-rickyXhorror
Sometimes we get so blinded by fear of the unknown that we can’t see what’s right in front of us. To take the leap into oblivion is a frightening thing, especially when that abyss holds nightmarish memories of a painful past. This is what happens to people every day. It keeps people from quitting their smoking habits, or from quitting the job they cant stand going to every day, for example. Its a comfort thing. When you stray too far from the normalcy of what you’re used to, it becomes uncomfortable. Its like an invisible electric fence that keeps you inside the confines of your own mind. It’s happened to me on many occasions. Most importantly, though, it happened regarding you. Two years ago I pushed you away when you tried to get close because I was so scared of the potential heartache it could cause me in the future. I left you hanging, called you crazy, and convinced everyone around me that you were a stalker. All because I got cold feet. Because I was terrified of getting involved. Of getting hurt. I broke your heart because I was scared of it happening to me. I never wanted it to be this way. I never intended for you to be looked at the way they see you now. The last thing I ever wanted was for everyone around me to think so negatively towards the only person I care about. It took me three years to finally come to terms with what’s been going on in my mind. Three years of ups and downs. Three years of me acting bipolar towards our relationship. And I finally understand. I shut you out and left you with no answers. No reason why. One day I was there, and the next I wasn’t. I did the EXACT same thing to you that was done to me six years ago. The thing that ruined the way I would ever think about relationships again. When it happened, I thought I was going to lose my mind trying to figure out “why”. And here I am, returning the favor to someone that never deserved it from the start. You tried to find answers, just like I did, and I saw it as you keeping tabs on me. I pushed you away so hard because I was terrified of how I really felt inside. I said so many terrible things I thought I would never say to someone. I told you to die. To get hit by a car. To get the fuck away from me and to get a life. I pretended to have changed my number to make sure I wouldnt have to deal with my own emotions. You were a liability to my comfort zone. And all you really wanted was to understand my perspective.
My whole purpose for writing this is to apologize. Because you never should have had to deal with any of this.
I’m so sorry for everything. For every time I ever made you cry, and for every time I flaked on you, or made you upset. I wish I could take back every terrible thing I ever said to you to make you go away. I hope that people begin to look at you differently and stop associating you with such negativity. I know they will, things just take time to recorrect themselves. And I know saying sorry doesn’t take back everything that’s happened, but its a start. Words mean nothing when the actions don’t support it, so from here on out, things are changing. I’m changing, for the better. I’m trying to make things right and fix things that should never have broken to begin with. Because the truth is, I do care. More than I ever thought I did. And I’m still scared, terrified, really. But its time to grow up and face life head on. Things happen, people get hurt. I don’t care anymore. I just know how I feel, and I haven’t felt this way about someone in a long time. And after all this time you still support me 110%. That speaks volumes in itself! Its taken me three years to come to terms with this. With us. With my own thoughts. And now I finally understand everything.
So today we announced some info on who we will be working with as producers for our new record. Before I even write anything else I must establish this. NO WE DO NOT HAVE A RELEASE DATE OR ANY IDEA WHEN THE NEW RECORD WILL BE OUT!! We’re hoping to get it out as soon as possible but we aren’t going…
Everyone says the same thing. You hear it everyday: “Live each day like it’s your last”, or “Never take anything for granted”. But I don’t think the average person understands this concept when it comes to bands traveling. Anything can happen at any given time, and you never know what sort of problems may come your way. Simply making it from one show to the next is a huge deal for every band out there. People get hit by drunk drivers and slip on black ice, flipping into oncoming traffic. The possibilities of disaster are limitless. Recently our friends in the band Stray From The Path flipped their van, and that was a huge eye opener as far as touring in the winter goes.
Last night we were side-swiped by a car on a two lane highway covered in snow. We were on our way from Salt Lake City to Denver going over the pass on I70. When it first happened, Chris and I thought we had popped a tire. It wasn’t until we got out of our bunks that we realized we’d been hit. In all, the damage wasn’t life threatening, and our generator got the brunt of the blow. But, if Josh hadn’t yelled seeing it coming and we hadn’t swerved, last night would have had an entirely different outcome. Was last night fate? Or chance? The scary thing is, any sort of collision we could have in this RV is an extremely bad situation. Head on, Balz and Allie fly out of the overhead windows and Chris and Kuza break their necks from laying backwards. If we tip, some people might be okay, but there would be a few with fairly severe injuries. If we flipped completely, seven out of the nine of us would most likely die. That alone makes the constant fear in the back of my mind that says “today may be my last” more pronounced, and infinitely more terrifying. Especially after last night. I thought about this until I fell asleep, and I woke up to every sudden break, turn, or rumble strip patch we’d go over and brace myself for the worst. We are extremely fortunate things didn’t turn out differently, and even though we are okay, it’ll be a while before I can push this constant fear to the back of my mind again.
As for the rest of the tour, BlessTheFall and The Word Alive made it safe, Chunk is still on their way with hopefully no problems. Unfortunately Tonight Alive flipped their trailer, and they will be missing the show tonight. Life’s unexpected twists are so unbelievably scary. I’m just glad everyone is safe.
The next time you go to a show, remember the sacrifices and hardships any band on the tour could’ve gone through to get there so YOU could have a good time. We do this for you guys<3
Until next time, be safe and take care of yourselves this winter.
With the release of our video, I feel that I need to address some points. I know Chris posted on his blog about it, but there’s some other few personal points I’m going to touch on.
For those of you that have seen our most recent music video for the song Immaculate Misconception, you’re aware that there is some very strong religious imagery throughout. This was not done to point a finger and say “what you believe in is wrong”. It was done to say that there are some very ignorant people in the world, many of faith. And that doesn’t mean every person that is religious is an ignorant one. There are many, many believers that are some of the nicest and most open-minded people ive ever met! The video as a whole says “think before you do/say/whatever, and be open to new things”…..not just with religion, but with everything in life. Jesus is used as an allusion in the video to show that he was persecuted for his beliefs many, many years ago, and people are still being persecuted today all over the world for their way of life! Have we not learned from Christ’s actions after all these years? Its a pretty harsh allusion, but sometimes the truth is hard swallow. Would the point have come across as well if we had filmed us being harassed by normal, everyday people (much like we all put up with almost every day still)? Most likely not. With that being said, we are not preaching by any means that what you currently believe in is wrong! We just think that everyone should be entitled to their own way of life. That is what our band as a whole stands for.
Personally, I think that everyone should be able to dig and research to find out what they feel is right for them as a way of life. If religion/spirituality is your thing, great! If not, that’s perfectly okay too. Also, don’t let people you look up to, or outside influence determine what you should do just because it seems cool. Just because one person lives one way, doesn’t mean that it is necessarily going to be a good suit for you as well. I think its extremely wrong for anyone to force anyone else to believe a certain thing, whether it be religion, sexual orientation, political standing, etc, just because its what your parents believe, or because any other way isn’t correct by society’s standards. Live your life the way that makes YOU happy because, ultimately,YOU’re the one that has to live it.
My apologies for the terrible grammer, this was semi-rushed and I’m exhausted!
This is a story loosely based on my “adventures” when I used to go out to parties with friends. There’s two more coming that are in direct relation to this that will make this a sort of three part story.
So, here it is:
“….Party? Pt. I”
The music is turned up half a rotation on the silver knob. “Volume 35”, the display reads. Bass pounds through the subwoofers, a machine gun ensemble of kick drum and chugging guitar riffs. Rocky’s trying to tell a story, and you can’t hear anything over the chorus melody in the back seat.
This is the winter before I stopped drinking.
There’s six of us. Four crammed in Rocky’s black-cherry Scion TC, along with empty soda cups and stale fast food to-go bags. Lisa and Julie following. By this time, my system is full of six bottles of Blue Moon.
“Pre-funking”, Rocky calls it.
“Are they still behind us?” John asks, flicking ash off the cherry of his cigarette. Alex doesn’t move next to me, eyes drooping and red. Stoned.
Looking through the back window, Lisa’s swerving. Her big truck back and forth between oncoming traffic and hitting parked cars. She’s dancing, paying more attention to the music than her surroundings. Julie’s just laughing in the passenger seat. The big ending of the song reaches it’s climax, and secretly, there’s a mild hope in the back of my mind that they’ll get in a head-on collision.
In a perfect world, I’d remember why I make the decisions I do, even when I’m drunk.
Out in front of the garage, on the right side of this house off 22nd ST, we’re smoking weed. Alex, John, and me. A chunky college student in a red Cougars sweatshirt approaches. “Can I get in on that?”. Like all smokers are friends.
The bud glows orange in the hole on top of the shiny, red apple. Alex takes a huge drag, his lips perfectly sucked around the end of the carved out tunnel in the side, like he’s eating an asshole.
“You gotta stop hanging out with Lisa,” John’s telling me, as Alex lights the bowl up again. “She’s bad news.”
The drug smuggling fruit is passed around the circle a few times, and my vision is fogging up. “I’m good,” the smokey red thing coming by me a fourth and fifth time. John blows a big cloud of smoke into the air above us, and it slowly dissipates and merges into the natural fog hanging over the city.
Standing there in the dark, my toes are numb.
Rocky’s walking up the driveway, following the row of shrubs on the left. “You guys are still out here?” He says, “Let’s go the fuck inside, it’s freezing.”
Inside the party, the room is an oversized basement full of people we’ve never seen before. A bar sits at the far end, in front of a big mirrored wall and mood lighting on the back shelf. The rest is big empty space for mingling, or dancing. There’s couches sporadically placed, and a hallway down one side of the room where people are fucking in the bathroom. Hip hop blasts through the speakers and we’re talking in a big circle just louder than normal speaking volume.
Usually, I’m not a fan of this sort of gathering, but I figured it would be better to try and meet new people than to sit around at home. I am looking for love, after all.
Jimmy starts telling a story about work, and I’m heavily debating whether or not I should have come here. Mid sentence, he stops and asks, “who are all these people?”
Glancing around the room at all these faces, they look distorted in the dim lighting. Like hollow shadows you can’t get out of your dreams, or the warped, nightmarish features people acquire when you’re having a bad acid trip. Giving it a second thought, I decide to drink instead of making small talk. “I don’t know,” I say.
*
Beer after beer, Rocky tells worse stories than before, and my ability to comprehend is quickly diminishing. Lightweight.
John comes over and interrupts. “Yeah, yeah, yeah, no one cares,” he says, the words rolling quick off his tongue like a mantra under his breath.
He turns to me and asks to be his wing-man. “You see those two girls over there?”, looking over his shoulder and pointing at a pair of attractive blondes. My head nods. The roof of my mouth is dry against my tongue, and every taste-bud scrapes along like I’m licking rocks. Swallowing, words try to come out, but it’s just slurred garbling. “Alright, come with me,” he says.
I’m following quick behind, almost stepping on his heels so I don’t lose him in the crowd of people. It’s not that the room is overly crowded, I’m just drunk enough to get lost if I don’t focus.
When we approach the two, they’re just standing in the middle of the room talking to each other, holding their mixed drinks. Their hair looks curled and nice. Lots of volume. They’re both wearing skirts, and dangly necklaces. One has an owl, and the other, a locket.
John introduces himself, and then me. He’s trying to play suave. Like he’s done this before. He gives his big blue puppy dog eyes a few times while they’re talking, and tilts his head to one side to pretend like he’s really interested. You don’t need a wing-man if you’re truly interested. Girls know that. He tells them that we go to med school, and that we’re both aspiring neurologists. “Do you know what a neurologist even is?” My whisper is subtle and John doesn’t hear. The last of my beer goes down with ease. This might be my eleventh.
People are dancing around me, grinding on each other. Dry humping. The room spins and tilts with every jerk of my head. My mind drops into a purgatory. A blank canvas where nothing appears. My mouth is still dry, and all that my brain paints is water.
“We just heard about this party through a friend,” the girl with the striped skirt says. “We don’t really know anyone here.”
My eyes scan back around the room and the present moment hits me. Why are we standing here? Who are these girls? Turning and walking away, John’s by himself watching me stagger over to the couch where Alex is sitting. “Sweet,” he says turning to follow. The girls look confused, and continue talking to each other. Under his breath he says, “well, there goes that plan.”
My friend, Ryan, says skirts are for sluts, anyway.
*
A few beers later my hips are swinging to the music. Up against some girl. The music is so loud I can feel the bass beating in my chest.
John’s sitting on the black leather couch on the side of the room. His head is in his hands. Too much weed.
Rocky grabs my arm and yanks me away from my dancing partner. She’s sweating, and so involved she doesn’t notice my absence.
“Let’s go.” Again, words are trying to come out, but there’s nothing there. “You don’t even like dancing, what are you doing?”
A song later Lisa’s drunk-driving me back to Rocky’s house, and my inebriated brain is in and out of consciousness. Lights pass by in flashes. She keeps jerking the wheel, and my head’s tilting with the movements like an overused rag doll.
By the time we get back, my eyes are almost too heavy to keep open.
We’re sitting in Rocky’s basement, and Lisa’s talking too loud. He shushes her and says “you’re gonna wake up my parents.”
She apologizes, giggles, and then pulls a half empty bottle of Carlo Rossi out of the fridge and pours us both a full red cup. “I can’t drink anymore.”
“Come on,” She’s telling me. “I can’t drink alone. Then I’d be an alcoholic.”
I look around the room for some backup, but Rocky’s in his room, John’s in the bathroom, and Alex is passed out on the couch. So deep a sleep, he might’ve been borderline comatose.
She shoves the glass into my hands and the red liquid swishes around inside. A drinking glass had never looked so uninviting. I think she notices my hesitation because when I look up, she’s staring at me with anticipation and says, “come on, a little wont hurt”. Taking a deep breath, I tilt my head back and press the cup against my lips so she’ll shut up. Sipping, the red liquid is bitter all the way down. My mouth starts to water, and my tongue gets heavy. Turn to the side- dry heave. I try to hide it, but it’s too obvious. My entire body is convulsing as I try to keep my insides from spilling all over the shiny linoleum floor. My eyes are watering and Lisa’s giggling and telling me to drink more. Forcing down the rest of the glass, the urge to throw it all back up is a watery feeling in the back of my throat. “I need to lay down.”
When I stumble down the hall to Rocky’s room, he’s sitting on his computer. “I need somewhere to sleep”, I say.
I follow him back out into the living room, and he grabs a big mattress from against the wall and drops it in the middle of the floor next to the couch. “It’s not a bed, but it’ll do”, he tells me. When it hits, dust flies up, and there’s a big brown stain in the middle of the sewn pattern. I cough when the dust particles rise up to my face because it feels right. I can be an asshole sometimes. “Yeah, it’s gonna have to do.”
The springs dig into my back when I lay down, and Rocky covers me with an oversized indian blanket decorated with a tiger. Looking to my right, Alex is there. His mouth hangs open, and his face is distorting with the spin of the room. I close my eyes, and my body feels like it falls into the white light behind my eyelids, spiraling all the way down.
Three days later, I’m on the phone with Alex. He tells me Lisa and I had sex that night. News to me. Surprising news, to say the least.
“What?!”
On the other end, I hear him say, “Ow, fuck dude”.
“Sorry, I just….what? I don’t get it. I don’t remember anything. I don’t know how that could be possible.”
I try to pull that night out of my memory, but all I’m coming up with is a collection of still frames. It’s like digging into a bucket of lukewarm water to find the remains of a soggy loaf of bread. Faces, beers, and flashes of light. Oh, and the red wine. The dreaded red wine that I almost puked up all over the spotless floor. I definitely remember that. Where was Rocky and John? Who was I dancing with? Where could we have had sex at?The night had so many missing pieces that there was no way I could put them together.
“Oh, it’s possible”, he says.
“I’m sure it is. I just don’t get how I could even ‘perform’ in that state of mind.”
I remember learning in health class that the more you drink, the harder it is to get an erection. I wonder if that applies to hormonally charged young adults, or if we have super power-like sexual advantages over our future selves of ten years senior. I just don’t get it.
“Don’t worry, you were fine.” He laughs and says, “I watched the whole thing.”
You don’t know who I am. You probably don’t know I exist at all. I’m so drawn to you, yet I’m still trying to figure out why. Maybe I’m not supposed to know. But, there’s something there. Something deep. Something that I’m not even sure I’ll ever be able to explain. Not to you, or myself. I look into your eyes and feel my stomach turning in knots. Loops. Like a roller coaster. Somehow you pull at my core and tell me that this is how things are going to be. Like I knew you once before. In another life, or another time. Sometimes at night I’ll lay here thinking about why I feel this way, and whether or not I have a stronger connection to the unknown than I think. I’ll think about writing to you or about you, but I know you’ll never see it. And if you did, you probably wouldn’t make sense of it. Reading this over just makes me more confused. I suppose I’m just “waiting” in a sense. I know its coming, but I have to pretend like I don’t. Why? I don’t know. See? Makes no sense. I guess the main thing is you’re not ready yet and neither am I. Otherwise things would be different at this particular time. I’m still trying to become the best of who I am, and I’m sure you’re doing the same, but when the right time comes, whether it be two weeks or five years, I’ll be here, ready, secretly anticipating. And maybe somewhere down the line I’ll tell you that this sounds crazy, but somehow I knew it would end up like this. I could see it in your eyes, and hear it in your voice. Everything about your presence just shouted in my face and told me. Maybe you’ll believe me, maybe not. Then again that’s not really the point. I just know. When things are perfect, our paths will cross, and I will sweep you off your feet so fast that you wouldn’t expect you could fall this hard. Don’t worry, I promise I’ll catch you on the way down
It’s astounding how one person can change your entire life. Everything you’ve ever thought, changed in a matter of months, weeks, or even days. Fortunately, I have someone to rely on that has skewed my perspective of reality in a way that most people would say is impossible, or even insanity. There’s a connection there that surpasses the depth of a best friend, or even the unconditional love of a close relative. I can never be thankful enough for everything I’ve been taught, having my eyes opened, and my consciousness unlocked. There is still so much to learn, and so many questions to answer. With more knowledge only comes more questions. It’s an unending quest for inner truth and conscious nirvana. For a balance in all things without judgement. I feel I’ve only touched the tip of the iceberg, and my goal still lays deep under the surface of the violent current above. I’ve got to catch my breath. It’s going to be a long, gratifying trip every foot down.
Words will never express my appreciation for everything you’ve done for me by just being there, existing.
1. I have always been a freak about music ever since i was little, and ever since i picked up the guitar at age 10, it has been the only thing i could ever picture myself doing. 8 years later, it has become something almost of an obsession. I’ve been in and out of bands since i started high school but haven’t found anything solid yet. Now that I’m about to start college, I’m beginning to doubt myself.
Through the years i have always been told it was an unrealistic dream by my parents and peers, i’ve even been kicked out of bands because i was a girl and they didn’t think i would be serious about going to practices or playing shows. All of this has driven me to become the best that i can be and then some. Im a very social person but i can recall many times in the past 4 years that i have gone home from parties and friends houses because i wanted to go practice.
Despite the previous statements, theres still a part of me that doubts that it can even happen. My mother has always told me i can do what i want as long as i get a college degree first and I’ve applied to a great art school so that i can go into sound design, but she just doesn’t understand why i need to actually be in a band. Coming from a relevantly small town on the south-side of Chicago, that kind of mentality is not uncommon. Everyone around here has blue collar jobs and its a rarity if you see anyone make it out of the 1 mile radius of where they grew up. None of my family or friends understand my need to get out of here and do the things i want to do. Even my boyfriend of 2 years does not support the lifestyle i want to have and even makes fun of me for dressing the way i do or sounding so “cliche” about wanting to make it in the music business. (Needless to say, that relationship is on its way out) I feel like i have no support from anyone and if they do support it, its more of a “Well you can try but i really don’t think its going to happen.” On top of that, I may not even be able to go to the school i want to because of financial issues. 90% of the reason I’m even going to school anyway is so that i can meet people to start a band with and without that i feel like its all hopeless. I realize 18 is still very young, and ill have a lot of time to figure things out but its getting harder and harder to remember that every day.
Your situation actually sounds a lot like mine. My parents told me ALL the time that I needed to get my life together and get a “real” job. I quit numerous jobs and actually quit school halfway through my degree because I didn’t want to do anything other than music. I had to move across the country, away from friends and loved ones, to be able to do what I wanted. That was the sacrifice I made to get where I wanted to be. The only thing you can really do is believe in yourself. Don’t let anyone tell you who or what to be, and never take no for an answer. People don’t live their dreams because they either are a. too scared to go out of the box to do something new, or b. they get discouraged and give up. You don’t want to be stuck in a position where you’re 40 years old, hate your job, and regret never finding out “what if”. If this is the only life we have, don’t waste it being a puppet for those around you. Do what YOU want to do. Follow your heart, follow your dreams. I know it’s hard, believe me, I do. Work through the bullshit, because in the end, all the tears you’ve shed, and all the effort you put into it will pay off. And best of all, you can stick a big middle finger up and say “fuck you” to all the people that said you couldn’t do it.
2. Do you have a girlfriend? If so how does it feel being committed to a band and a relationship?
I don’t have a girlfriend. I don’t know if I ever could while I’m in a band, to be honest. I’m very involved when it comes to having a relationship, and I want to be able to give 110%. Unfortunately, I’m giving about 150% to the band, and it would just be lopsided. I don’t think that would be fair for a girlfriend to have to deal with, and I wouldn’t want someone to have to go through that. Now, on the other hand, if I had a girlfriend that was just as busy as me, it might not be a problem. Who knows!
3. How do you guys figure out where you all play? Like does the label pick the venues, do you guys or both?
When we accept tour offers, our booking agent sends us an email with an itinerary of all the dates and venues. It’s pre-set up for us.
4. How do you stay so positive? You went through a shitty situation, and have a constant reminder of it on your body, but you don’t seem to let that bring you down.
You said that you live in the now, and you focus on the present. Is it hard to live to that when some of the lyrics to your band are about living in the past? The lyrics to “Cobwebs” pretty much are the opposite of how you live your life. Is it hard to be around that negativity sometimes?
Being positive is extremely hard, especially when something ridiculous and unexpected happens that you weren’t ready for. For the most part, I think of everything that comes along as cycles in my life. Things change for a reason. Most of the time it doesn’t matter what that reason is to me, because things always have a way of working out for the better. A lot of the time something will happen that will slap me in the face as a way of saying “you’re rubbing against the grain. Just go with the flow”. I’m extremely thankful when that happens because then I’m mentally aware that I’m off track a bit and can refocus myself to now. The scar I have now reminds me of, yes a darker time in my life, but also a good moment. When you can help other people with similar problems because of something you went through, it makes the scars a good thing.
It can be very difficult being positive with so much negativity around me. When we’re on tour, I’m around constant arguing and complaining. When I’m intently present, however, I’m calm inside no matter what the circumstances are around me. The only thing to watch out for is getting sucked into negativity and joining in.
5. Where do you get your jewelry?
A lot of my necklaces and rings I own came from a shop in Seattle called “Gargoyle Statuary”. Most of the time I just find little random shops on tour that have the sort of stuff I like. One of my favorite places to go is “Necromance” in Hollywood off Melrose. Look it up and check it out if you’re in that area.
6. What songs do you sing/scream in for the album creatures?
In Immaculate Misconception I scream the line “that I sing” after the heavy breakdown before the last chorus.
In Cobwebs, I’m in the gang vocals in the line “forever” right before the first chorus, and in the line “we’d have a fucking show” before the break in the second verse.
In Dot Com Pt II I do the lines “but nobody heard me”/”I just couldn’t help it”, right after the first chorus.
In City Lights, I sing in the gang vocals at the end.
They’re just very small parts, and they’re all screaming for the most part.
7. Why did you quit being vegan?
I’m in a band full of meat eaters, and it’s too much of a hassle to go out of the way to find “special” food for one person. Plus, it’s extremely expensive. I’m not complaining about the change.
8. When did you realize that this is music was what you wanted to do?
The first show I ever played in high school was when I realized. The feeling I got when I first stepped onto the stage was life changing. I immediately knew.
9. How do you like your coffee?
If I’m making it myself, I use hazelnut creamer, nothing else.
10. Are there any other goals you have set for yourself that you would like to accomplish?
I’d like to eventually write my own book. That’s definitely up there on my list. I also want to write an acoustic album, and maybe do an electronic side project as well. But I don’t see any of that happening anytime soon with all of the upcoming things we have going on. Motionless In White will always come first before anything else.
11. Did you ever think that your band would ever be as big as it is now? If you didn’t make it this far what do you think you’d be doing?
Well, technically, I joined the band when they were gaining hype. So I knew things would grow from there. It is definitely strange to see so many kids singing the words to our songs at shows now, though. It’s a very surreal feeling. If I wasn’t playing music, I would probably be in LA or New York doing something with film. I went to college for almost two years to get a degree in film production, and seriously considered moving to LA when I got done. And then I completely just dropped out because I knew it wasn’t what I truly wanted. But yeah, I’d probably be doing something in film.
12. Would you ever publish any of the things you write, whether it’s poetry or just a short story and what’s your favorite author or poet?
As I said before, I’d love to get something published. If you know how, please, point me in the right direction! My favorite author is Chuck Palahniuk, and poet would be Edgar Allen Poe.
13. So the problem is I am taking to much for granted right now and I hate myself for it and I am tired of being stuck where I am at and doing nothing…. Well the only solution I can think of is to move somewhere where I know no one really and where I dont know my way around. I wanna do what scares me most and thats being completely alone and conquering my fear and finally growing up and doing something with me life. Now the question is do you think its stupid to do that, to move somewhere far away from everything? Your really good with advice so if you read this and have an opinion I would really love to hear it lol
I’m not sure why you feel that you need to move. The grass always seems greener on the other side. Odds are, when you get to a new location, you’re going to feel the same way. Work on your internal state before making a big decision like that. Once you become solid internally, the external world will shift along with it.
